I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
