i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
