If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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