you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
