Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
