The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize