I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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