For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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