i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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