i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
