M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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