Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
soo... how was my night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
