how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
