I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want her autograph on my taint
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
