what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
