Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
