You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
