just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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