well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
