Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
