LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
