I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
