I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
