it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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