my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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