I could make wine with my vomit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
