dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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