When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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