Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
