and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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