I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
