yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
