Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
