so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
