before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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