I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize