I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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