you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
