Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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