Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
