I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
