She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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