I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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