woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
