i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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