oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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