Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize