whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
