I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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