he referred to my room as the tit cave...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
