And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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