I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
