Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
