yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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