i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
