Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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