3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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