Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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