very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My pussy is not your playground.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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