32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
FUCK WHALES
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize