I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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