my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
