I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
