just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
