you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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