you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
